Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
COCAINE IS GR8
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
