yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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