Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
