So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
