I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize