I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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