Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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