Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This girl is more easily done than said...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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