i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
