I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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