so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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