My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
