On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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