Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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