I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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