Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
