So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
