you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
