This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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