i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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