So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
