ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
