Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Girls should come with a carfax report
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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