pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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