i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
