ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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