Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
