His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
