What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
