whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
