the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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