apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
