omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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