Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
