I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
