I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
