i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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