I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
