how can u be prego again
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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