i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
