Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
