I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
