remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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