If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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