I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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