Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
