i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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