Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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