I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
