Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
