Pappa wants mamma naked
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
