So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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