I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
