This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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