Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
