Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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