i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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