It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
