I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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