I just saw a hot homeless man
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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