I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
not ubering you a puppy
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
