Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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