i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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