I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
