A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
