Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
