Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
