new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
