I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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