Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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