dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ugly people sure do ruin things
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
