So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so let's talk penis.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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