this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am naked and annoyed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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