and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
